Six months +

6 months.  It has been six months.  It feels like forever and just the other day at the same time.  I feel like I will see her at any moment, that I just hung out with the girl in the pictures that I look through, that there are more pictures to come, that I will hear her say my name again.  Six. months. ago.  My twin sister died.

I know she is with me.  But it has been 6 months since I was able to relax in her presence.  One of my favorite people in the whole world, the one who knew me the best out of EVERYONE.  She knew what made me, me.  She knew what bothered me.  She knew every moment up until that very moment in time.  Most of you don’t get to experience someone who is a living scrapbook of your life.  Someone who you can reminisce about ANY memory with.  Because she was always there, and when she wasn’t, I was telling her about it.  And she understood whatever I was saying 100%.  Someone who if I loved something, would dive in, and love it just as much as I did, because if it was something I loved, she knew it was worth loving.   Someone who I could lay on at anytime.  Someone who when I came home from college would always allow me to sleep in her bed, even though it was a twin.  Someone so perfectly in-tuned with me.  We were always on the same page.

She knew when to push me.  When to leave me alone.  When to make me smile.  When to hug me and hold me.  She knew.  And now she has been gone for six months.  And the things she knows, have become the things she knew.  And no one will ever know me just as much as she did.  Not due to lack of trying, but due to how my life was only continuously intertwined with one.   And she is gone.

Gone from the physical world.  Looking out for me.  Patiently waiting for the day we will be reunited.  Still loving me, and appreciating me.  Till then Ryane.  I love you.