To choose love

What do we all deserve and need in a relationship?


The other must look at you and see the amazing qualities you have.

And see you for your faults.

And with those faults, they must accept.

Not try to change or improve.

They must look at ALL of you.  The good AND the bad. And accept.

There are no buts, ifs, or maybes in the relationship.

If there are, it becomes a project.

A constant work in progress.

Where the result is never good enough.

When someone says “I love you,”

but then tries to change you…

that is not love.

Or at least not full, unconditional love.

Love is saying “I love you because of this,” not “I love you if this…”

It is easy to confuse with the real love.

If their end goal is to change you in some way, they will never fully love you.

And if they only know how to have conditions to love, you cannot mend that.

You will destroy yourself trying.

Trying to prove yourself.

Trying to help them understand.

Trying to show them what unconditional love means.

If they always have “if’s,” move on.

They have to grow on their own.

You cannot make them your project, as they have made you theirs.

Stop the cycle. Allow yourself to grow.


If your expectation is that someone will “hopefully” change, then you are in the wrong.

Of course, there are always faults that you wish were not there.

There could be times when you think, “I wish they didn’t always have to talk with everyone they know.” or “I wish they could venture out more.”  Whatever the thought is…

But in that same moment, you look at them.

You truly see them.

And you love them for ALL that they are.

At times, you can’t help but smile to yourself as they make their way around the room socializing with everyone, even though they said you would be leaving soon.

You can’t help, but smile as they awkwardly try to start a conversation with a stranger, or even “worse,” completely avoid a conversation and stand their awkwardly.

Those faults that you may not enjoy.

They still make the person you love who they are.

Without them, they would be different then who you say you “love.”

Without them, they wouldn’t light up a room.

Without them, they wouldn’t start deep conversation instead of small talk.

Without these “faults,” you may never have fallen for them in the first place.

You must change your thinking. Reassess.

Take inventory.

Are these faults harmful to you?

Or are they annoyances that make that person who they are?

Each fault in them is a chance for you to improve your patience.

It’s a chance for you to work on yourself.

To choose love, instead of scrutiny.

And hopefully, if they love you,

they will continue to choose to work on themselves for you.

Not because you have given them an ultimatum.

Or you have informed them that you need to see improvements.

But because they want to be a better person for YOU.

And because of the love and acceptance they feel from you,

they will do anything for you.

Because they know no matter what they do, you will always love them.

In the real, true sense of love.


You may wonder what qualifies me to speak so much about unconditional love.  And I am by far no expert. But I was blessed to grow up with my twin sister for 20 years.  Twenty years of fighting, laughing, yelling, hugging, loving.  Twenty years of acceptance. Twenty years of one person looking at the other no matter how ugly their actions and words are and loving them so intensely that you cannot help but give them a hug at the end of it all.  No fight was too great to overcome…and there were many.  You came to understand that the good ALWAYS comes with the bad.  And even the bad, you can understand and enjoy at times. Because it makes that person who they are.  And you love them…unconditionally.

So here’s my question.

Can you accept the good, the bad, and the ugly as one whole package?

Or do you continue to try to pick and choose what you receive?

If you are picky, then you may need to reevaluate your definition of love.

Because in the end, you will always be disappointed.


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