Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

So much pain in the world.

Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive.

Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives.

But that pain is still there.

It’s caused by uncontrollable factors in the world.

Parents who don’t take the time to help their child with their school work.

Children dealing with abuse by the ones they trust the most.

The death of a child, sibling, or loved one.

Mental health issues that overwhelm them on any given day.

How there is such loneliness to each of our struggles.

The thought that you have to bear it alone.

That no one could possibly understand the way you feel.

And in a sense, you are right.

No one can understand the absence of that person in your life.

The trauma that you have to keep reliving.

The pain you deal with on a constant basis.

The kind that rears its head at any given moment.

That consumes you in an instant.

And the world screams for you to move on.

Push away the pain, hide it, conceal it.

No one wants to hear about that.

People do it without even knowing as they say,

“Time heals everything.”

“You’ll get over it.”

But the thing they don’t understand is,

we don’t want to “get over it.”

We want that pain and loss with us forever.

It makes us better people, more empathetic.

It reminds me each day that it could be my last.

It makes it feel as if that person is still in my life.

And on my darkest days, it allows me to feel the true agony that that loss has instilled in me forever.

Grief and loss and pain – they can be destructive.

We can sit and wallow in it.

But the true power comes from the lessons we learn from the pain,

How we prove every day that we are stronger than an average person without trauma.

How we have picked ourselves up and become better,

for that person, for ourselves.

The shit of the world may continue to come at you for the rest of your life,

but we have to be strong enough to take that pain and suffering,

and use it to our advantage.

To be able to understand others better,

to be the voice of the voiceless,

to love deeper.

What I continue to notice every day,

is it is really easy to only focus on the negative aspects of life –

“Winter sucks – it’s snowing too much.”

“My car broke down because it’s so cold out.”

“People are so rude, I can’t handle it anymore.”

“These rich people keep bragging about all the amazing things they have.”

The list is endless…

It takes real effort to turn it and remember the positives and the lessons we learn every day.

I seem to easily forget that I should not be so focused on other people.

The main objective of life is to love and continue to grow as a person.

I need to add to society in a positive way, not contribute to the negative in the world that is so much easier to be a part of.

I need to reflect on my own actions, not others, and decide what I need to be better at,

how to make the world a better place.

It is so easy to turn the blame towards others –

I’m guilty of it every day.

“I’m in a bad mood because that person cut me off driving on the expressway.”

“I’m pissed off because my boyfriend didn’t do the dishes.”

“I’m sad because I have to live the rest of my life without my sister.”

“I’m jealous because I don’t have the money and riches that others have at their dispense.”

—- I let these emotions and others rule my world.

They can make or break my day.

It is our job to acknowledge our emotions and feelings,

invite them in,

and take away the blessings from them,

notice what can be learned from them,

but do not allow them to rule my person.

It is so easy to give into to them,

to allow them to take over,

at times it even feels good to not think about it,

to be ruled by pain, anger, loneliness, helplessness,

but because we are human beings,

and we have the ability to think and grow,

we must strive to be better.

We can reign in those emotions –

feeling each and every one of them,

but always finding the light even in the darkness,

By nature, we search for beauty in everything –

but we can put our blinders up and only notice the depressing –

We have to stop ourselves,

or we risk losing ourselves along the way –

losing our purpose –

losing THE purpose –

which is to inspire, believe, find joy, laugh, the wonder & awe of living – to love.

We can’t lose that –

or we lose everything.

I was recently advised to read a poem. It ties in nicely with what I have been saying.

So I will leave it with you to reflect on. It is as follows:

The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest house,
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,
because each has been sent 
as a guide from beyond.


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