Small deaths

"When you love someone, you share a part of your soul with them and they share part of their soul with you. When they die, part of you dies also. But that part of their soul remains in you because you are still alive." I know it seems like forever. Like I don't think about … Continue reading Small deaths

Purposely Stuck

I understand why people feel stuck when they lose a loved one. You realize they will never accomplish anything every again. They will never experience life again. They will never learn again. Never laugh. Never smile. Never hug. Never. ... People get stuck because they don't want to live in a world where that person … Continue reading Purposely Stuck

Not okayness

You know what is still the most prevalent thought regarding my sister, Ryane. The fact that she will never "be" again. She will never stand by my side. She will never laugh at one of my jokes. Come on vacation with me. Walk with me through the park. Live with me in an apartment, as … Continue reading Not okayness

Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who … Continue reading Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

The fallacy of the world

I am sure for those who have been following my blog for awhile many of you may think - "Oh, she must be doing better - Her grief most be lighter, her burden not as heavy..." Or maybe you understand the inner workings of grief and know that each day is different from the last. … Continue reading The fallacy of the world

Do you remember?

Today marks four years since I lost Ryane, my best friend and soulmate. In her honor, I am publishing something I wrote about her six months after she passed away. Just so you all can remember how amazing and wonderful she really was to everyone she came into contact with. Do you remember? Do you … Continue reading Do you remember?

The living dead.

The living dead. How is it that someone who has been gone over three years somehow is still present in my life? How can they continue to enter into my thoughts? Why do I continue to ask her questions, when I know I won't receive a response? How are you still so present? Why do … Continue reading The living dead.

We are okay.

I miss you. And we are all doing well. And that's what really gets to me. The fact that you are no longer in this world. Someone who made my life better every day - just by knowing you were out there, but no longer... And yet, we are all moving forward. Because life without … Continue reading We are okay.