"When you love someone, you share a part of your soul with them and they share part of their soul with you. When they die, part of you dies also. But that part of their soul remains in you because you are still alive." I know it seems like forever. Like I don't think about … Continue reading Small deaths
How does this never get any easier. For five years - This day comes around makes it difficult to breathe sucks the life right out of me the wound is reopened all over again gaping as if it just occurred yesterday Just for this day could the world just stop. Acknowledge the life that was … Continue reading Today is for You
I understand why people feel stuck when they lose a loved one. You realize they will never accomplish anything every again. They will never experience life again. They will never learn again. Never laugh. Never smile. Never hug. Never. ... People get stuck because they don't want to live in a world where that person … Continue reading Purposely Stuck
You know what is still the most prevalent thought regarding my sister, Ryane. The fact that she will never "be" again. She will never stand by my side. She will never laugh at one of my jokes. Come on vacation with me. Walk with me through the park. Live with me in an apartment, as … Continue reading Not okayness
So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who … Continue reading Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.
I am sure for those who have been following my blog for awhile many of you may think - "Oh, she must be doing better - Her grief most be lighter, her burden not as heavy..." Or maybe you understand the inner workings of grief and know that each day is different from the last. … Continue reading The fallacy of the world
Ryane, You would be happy to know that I am more myself than I have been in a long time. More of the goofy, sarcastic sister that you knew, the one who would banter with others, who laughed easily and loved hard, the sister you grew up with, that you nurtured, she went away for … Continue reading Because of you
The living dead. How is it that someone who has been gone over three years somehow is still present in my life? How can they continue to enter into my thoughts? Why do I continue to ask her questions, when I know I won't receive a response? How are you still so present? Why do … Continue reading The living dead.
I miss you. And we are all doing well. And that's what really gets to me. The fact that you are no longer in this world. Someone who made my life better every day - just by knowing you were out there, but no longer... And yet, we are all moving forward. Because life without … Continue reading We are okay.
The permanence of death - It is something you never really contemplate or understand until it's thrust upon you, and then your brain doesn't even allow you to comprehend it. You try over and over to understand, "This person will no longer be in your life, you will not see them ever again, you will … Continue reading Permanent Death