It's coming up on a year. How the time flies. You were just here. I can still feel you by my side. When I look at pictures, I can feel your presence. The way you move. The familiar way you move your hands. The stupid way you run. The way your face moves from each … Continue reading Shouts of You
6 months. It has been six months. It feels like forever and just the other day at the same time. I feel like I will see her at any moment, that I just hung out with the girl in the pictures that I look through, that there are more pictures to come, that I will … Continue reading Six months +
I find it so interesting how your brain allows you to process things. The key word here is allows (you don't really have a choice). I keep going through these circles in my mind. I keep trying to process the fact that Ryane is gone, but it's like I relapse into ignorance over and over again. … Continue reading The Brain’s Self-defense.
Hey everyone! It's been awhile. AND a lot has happened! I will try to quickly fill you all in. I finished my Fall semester with decent grades, not my best, but definitely not my worst. I am very optimistic about this semester. I started off break getting all four wisdom teeth removed. That was two weeks … Continue reading More Room for Wisdom
Purdue makes it easy. Easy to keep going. To move on. To not think about it. She was never here. Visited twice in my 2.5 years here. She wasn't a part of my life. Other than the random phone calls about getting my clothes from her or trying to get her here. I made these … Continue reading happily ever… After?
Another thought that keeps coming to my head is the fact that God could see this in my future. I can imagine Him hurting for me, and the rest of my family. What we would have to suffer when it finally came time. Him hoping that at some point the future would change. That Ryane would … Continue reading The Unseen Path
I recently went to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book for the trip to Florida my family is taking. When I was there, I decided to look in the section for grieving. There I found this book called Grief One Day at a Time by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.. If any one is … Continue reading Soulmates Without a Choice
There are so many things that go through my head in a day. One second everything is normal, I am thinking of exams or homework, and then next the reality that I am in crashes down on me. And then, the normality seems unimportant. Because everything has changed. Whether I want it to or not. … Continue reading Searching
As I prepare to go on my fourth Boiler Awakening (once as a retreatant and 3rd time on staff) but my first time as a small group leader, I cannot help but have Ryane come to my mind. I am feeling nervous as I prepare to be the face of the retreat. I can imagine … Continue reading Retreats Were Our Thing.
Catch up. Two exams. Four homework assignments. A project here and there. Work three times a week. Meetings on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Trying to get to bed on time, but going to bed at 1:00am. Constant motion. Then, a trigger. A song, a sad smile, a beautiful … Continue reading My Triggered Reality