Not okayness

You know what is still the most prevalent thought regarding my sister, Ryane. The fact that she will never "be" again. She will never stand by my side. She will never laugh at one of my jokes. Come on vacation with me. Walk with me through the park. Live with me in an apartment, as … Continue reading Not okayness

Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who … Continue reading Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

My Built in Best Friend

Today is the three year anniversary of my sister, Ryane, leaving this world.  In her memory, here is my post from a week after she passed away.  Always remember ❤ My twin sister, Ryane (pronounced Ryan), passed away 11 days ago.  I am still in shock and feel as if I will be the rest … Continue reading My Built in Best Friend

happily ever… After?

Purdue makes it easy.  Easy to keep going.  To move on.  To not think about it.  She was never here.  Visited twice in my 2.5 years here.  She wasn't a part of my life.  Other than the random phone calls about getting my clothes from her or trying to get her here.  I made these … Continue reading happily ever… After?

Retreats Were Our Thing.

As I prepare to go on my fourth Boiler Awakening (once as a retreatant and 3rd time on staff) but my first time as a small group leader, I cannot help but have Ryane come to my mind.  I am feeling nervous as I prepare to be the face of the retreat.  I can imagine … Continue reading Retreats Were Our Thing.

My Triggered Reality

Catch up.  Two exams.  Four homework assignments.  A project here and there.  Work three times a week.  Meetings on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Trying to get to bed on time, but going to bed at 1:00am.  Constant motion.  Then, a trigger.  A song, a sad smile, a beautiful … Continue reading My Triggered Reality