Pointless, painful plans

With the wedding approaching, I am struggling. Everything reminds me of our future together. The plans we had made. The plans that were unsaid, but already existed to me. The future and how it was supposed to be. There's a weight, a price, to this wedding planning. Without you, there is a hole. I can …

Small deaths

"When you love someone, you share a part of your soul with them and they share part of their soul with you. When they die, part of you dies also. But that part of their soul remains in you because you are still alive." I know it seems like forever. Like I don't think about …

Pain with Love, and Love with Pain.

So much pain in the world. Of course, as a social worker, I am taught to acknowledge the pain, but always lead with the positive. Lead with the strengths, the lessons to learn, the positives throughout all the negatives. But that pain is still there. It's caused by uncontrollable factors in the world. Parents who …

The fallacy of the world

I am sure for those who have been following my blog for awhile many of you may think - "Oh, she must be doing better - Her grief most be lighter, her burden not as heavy..." Or maybe you understand the inner workings of grief and know that each day is different from the last. …

We are okay.

I miss you. And we are all doing well. And that's what really gets to me. The fact that you are no longer in this world. Someone who made my life better every day - just by knowing you were out there, but no longer... And yet, we are all moving forward. Because life without …

Permanent Death

The permanence of death - It is something you never really contemplate or understand until it's thrust upon you, and then your brain doesn't even allow you to comprehend it. You try over and over to understand, "This person will no longer be in your life, you will not see them ever again, you will …

Asphyxiation

Suffocation. Do you know the feeling of loss? It's the feeling of your throat closing up. Breathing is difficult. You begin to suffocate, as if the world without them no longer has oxygen. How am I supposed to breath without them? They were my oxygen. My reason for living. The person I turned to for …

“The Next Right Thing”

Spoiler alert: If you have not seen Frozen II, then read at your own risk. ... I want to applaud Disney for touching on one of the hardest topics in the most realistic way... the loss of someone you love and what grief feels like. The song "The Next Right Thing" takes on the challenge …

Dissipate the Darkness

It's crazy how death and loss creates a wound. One that never fully heals. And like any wound can reopen at any moment. These awful moments in our life. The moments you used to think "that would never happen to me." But when it does you are shocked. The worst moments of our lives. When …

To choose love

What do we all deserve and need in a relationship? Acceptance. The other must look at you and see the amazing qualities you have. And see you for your faults. And with those faults, they must accept. Not try to change or improve. They must look at ALL of you.  The good AND the bad. …